I was listening to a podcast today and the host said a quote from one of her books “M is for Mama” (also the name of the podcast) “ ‘rejoicing always’ isn’t the same as ‘enjoying always’ ”. I’ve touched on this idea before in previous posts but I just love the way she worded it. We can be content in our circumstances because our circumstances are not where we pull our joy from. Our joy comes from the Lord. I do not enjoy a lot of my circumstances but I certainly can be content in them and even rejoice in them. I don’t rejoice in the hard or sad or devastating thing… I can rejoice in having a Savior who will make all things right. I can rejoice that I have hope for the beauty to come from those ashes. I can rejoice that He holds my life and every thing about it in His hands. I can rejoice that He meets me there every time. So I can rejoice even when I don’t enjoy. I can rejoice in what He has and will do through life and loss… I know I can. He never fails me. I can rejoice because of who He is. Not because of who I am or what I’ve gone through.
Today is the “wave of light” a day people who have or know someone who has lost a baby from early pregnancy all the way into the infant months of life, light a candle on this day of remembrance at 7pm. The idea is that as each time zone does this and allows their light to burn for the designated hour and that light will be a wave over the globe as each new time zone reaches 7pm. It’s beautiful imagery. However, this day is heavy for most that know it exist. I feel most of the heaviness before 7. Everyone is different. For me it’s the lead up. Once I light that candle I’m at peace. I get so scared I’ll forget to light the candle as if that means I’ve forgotten my child. I get nervous I’m going to do or say too much about it. I wonder why I’m on edge all day. But then we light the candle and I rest. Each year I think I’ll get more comfortable in that awkward space of the day. Feel more at ease and that peace will be the larger part of the day instead of the smaller part. Today though, I’ll be content. I will rejoice in Who He Is. He will work right here where I am. He is doing something in me and I may not enjoy the heaviness or unease that comes with the day. I may need to unfollow the massive number of grieving accounts to help me. But I will rejoice because of who He is and what He is doing in this circumstance. My joy will never come from what I have but from whose I am.